Resilience in women – rethinking resilience in the modern world
Resilience is defined by the Cambridge dictionary as “the ability to be happy and successful again after something difficult or bad has happened”. Whilst this is true, it doesn’t consider the nuances of the female experience. We need a modern definition. One that doesn’t make women feel like failures because they don’t feel “happy” and “successful” all the time, despite setbacks.
Resilience is a process.
It’s a skill that needs work. You can grow resilience once you become more connected to yourself. Once you understand your body, your mind and the way you respond to pressure, stress, challenge and change.
But resilience is not something you get and then the work is done. You don’t get a badge of completion and tick it off the list. It needs to be nurtured. And you’ll always have setbacks. That’s the human experience. You’re not broken. You just don’t have it all figured out yet.
For so long resilience as been see as the ability to “bounce back” quickly. But we’re not an object that simply bounces back like a rubber band. We’re human beings with more complex experiences and systems. I’d also argue that we don’t “bounce” back and forth between bad and good experiences. What happens in the middle? That’s important too.
And we don’t have to be completely “happy and successful” every time something bad happens to be resilient.
This misplaced understanding of resilience in the workplace is one of the most common causes of burnout that I see in female leaders. Your beliefs around resilience have shaped your perception that pushing through equals resilience.
But pushing through adversity without the tools to manage it, and calling it resilience, only has one outcome; exhaustion and burnout.
And as a woman, it’s even more critical to understand the nuances because we have additional unique experiences like:
Motherhood
Menopause
Pregnancy
Caregiving
This article invites you to think about resilience from a female perspective and in a way that fits the modern world.
Where resilience doesn’t mean pushing through, but looking at whether your body and nervous system feel safe enough to push through.
Where resilience doesn’t mean “bouncing back” but the ability to hold the uncomfortable whilst putting in place new boundaries.
Where resilience means working on capacity building as a priority.
Where resilience take into account biological differences.
Are you ready to re-think resilience?
What’s the relevance of stress when it comes to resilience?
Stress and resilience are partners. Stress is the response to challenges or things that feel hard. Stress is not inherently bad. We can’t eliminate stress. Which is why we build resilience. The ability to recover and often grow stronger from the adversities that we’ve faced.
Building resilience is influenced by many different factors, including sleep, nutrition, physical health, fitness, mindset, support and life experiences.
If we look at sleep, research consistently shows that parents of babies who sleep through the night tend to report lower stress levels than parents who are sleep deprived. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Coping with life’s challenges, no matter how small, are severely impacted by lack of sleep.
Those sleep deprived parents might feel less resilient in the moment, but over time they’re likely to develop the skills and confidence to navigate those stressful sleepless nights in the future.
Resilience is not about never struggling. It's about our ability to adapt, recover and keep moving forward despite the challenges we face. And how we do that is unique to each one of us.
Sometimes the very experiences that test our resilience are the ones that help strengthen it in the long run.
Do women experience resilience differently to men
Research has been carried out that shows some differences between sex in the heritability of resilience. The results of this study show that:
Resilience appears to be partly genetic – influenced by both genetic factors and life experiences. Although some people might be born with traits that make resilience easier, the environment still plays a major role.
The study estimated that genetic factors explained about 52% resilience differences in men compared to around 38% in women.
Environmental factors seem to matter more for women than men
That resilience is not fixed. It can be shaped or strengthens through you rlife experiences, support systems, the copy skills you learn and personal development.
We know that women report higher levels of stress, anxiety and psychological distress then men across many studies. We believe this is because of the additional responsibilities that induce chronic stress, and then eventually burnout.
This report, and our understanding of stress in women, highlights that although resilience is influenced both by genetics and environmental factors, we know what women face unique biological, social and emotional stressors that place addition demands on their resilience
Can female hormones effect stress and how resilient you are?
Female hormones fluctuate daily, and throughout significant events and changes in life. And those fluctuations in oestrogen and progesterone directly effect and influence the stress systems in the brain. So, all those lovely mood regulating chemicals are affected.
This directly impacts the additional stresses women experience and the capacity they have for resilience.
The two main hormones that specifically affect women are:
Oestrogen – this hormone helps reduce cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone. Oestrogen also helps and supports dopamine and serotonin. Those lovely hormones that make you feel good. So when oestrogen drops, your cortisol is more likely to rise and those hormones you’ve been relying on to make you feel good drop too. Which is when you’re more likely to feel sensitive and anxious.
Progesterone – this hormone drops in the second half of your menstrual cycle or directly after childbirth. It’s known to be the hormone that keeps you relaxed. So when you get a dip you’re more likely to experience less patience and feel irritable.
That’s not to say resilience can’t be built around those times of life. Knowledge is powerful. Understanding your own unique body is empowering. And that’s the work we do through my coaching so you can build your own specific tools and plan to optimise your health and wellbeing.
Can you build resilience at work?
The answer is yes. Absolutely.
But where most articles will dive in and start to tell you about how to set realistic goals, set self-care boundaries and read up on emotional intelligence. I won’t. Because you’ve likely tried those things.
You’re an intelligent being who already understands stress and health. And you’ve tried to implement many of the self-care strategies already.
But you’ve come at it with a set of tick lists. In fact, Google tips for resilience at work and you’ll likely see the same strategies. I teach some of them myself! But not without a holistic approach. Not without doing the foundational work first. Or you’ll have zero scaffolding to hold it all because you’ve not explored this from the female perspective. Yet!
Inside my unique methodology, the ARCH Method™ we take a different approach to building resilience:
Awareness
Awareness has to come first. Without awareness, you’ll fix only the things you can see or notice. But you need to look closely at patterns. These patterns can be:
Across the body
In your energy
In your behaviour
Often, you don’t notice these patterns because they’ve been there for so long.
Regulation
The nervous system is what regulates, or deregulates, you. You’ve been pushing through what your system is able to hold and process - sometimes for years. It’s been telling you to stop, but you’ve “soldiered” on through.
Once you learn how stress works within the body, how your hormones control the show, and how to work with it, you’ll be more regulated and build more capacity to hold everything you dreamed of.
Clarity
Now that you’ve worked through the foundations, have a clear understanding of your starting point and where you want to be, this is where the practical work can come in.
And it’s not about one thing.
This is the holistic approach.
1. Looking at what you eat
It’s not about dieting or calorie deficits. It’s about understanding nutrition and what your body needs to regulate. It considers your hormones and age. Balancing your nutrition so you’re not restricting but fuelling your body and brain so that energy becomes more consistent, and your entire body becomes more regulated with less energy dips and dives.
2. Looking at how you move
We know movement is important for wellbeing. But movement has many forms. Movement can be tailored to your environment and life. If you have caring responsibilities and work, it’s about finding flexible options. As women, the moment we put in place an exercise routine, we can try to do too much, and so it becomes impossible to hold and remain disciplined. It’s got to be realistic.
3. Look at how your days work together
This is your plan. Not a cookie-cutter approach. You are unique. It needs to be tailored around your days, your energy levels, and the time of the month. As women, we are cyclical beings, and we don’t think (or know) how to tailor our wellbeing around that. Hormones affect far more than you realise.
Holding
This is the part that gets missed.
The plan is in place, and it’s working. You’re feeling better. Sleeping better. Starting to build new patterns.
And then you have a bad week.
A week where change feels impossible. You feel like it’s a motivation problem. And so you blame yourself. In reality, it has nothing to do with motivation. It’s all to do with how much you can hold. You cannot hold change if you don’t have the capacity to when life gets tough. It’s an essential part of the framework. Helping you to slowly change your behaviours.
This is where resilience is built.
It’s also where coaching can help. Having someone to work through this framework alongside you, pull out the unconscious actions, and hold you accountable will help you reach the next level of health and wellness you’ve been dreaming of.
Resilience in women – a thoughtful conclusion
Yes resilience needs to be considered from a female perspective. Hormones and the additional stressors that are more unique to our situations means a holistic approach is the only way. An approach that is very rarely used by most health and wellbeing coaches.
But do not let this phase you.
We have the ability to hold so much! Resilience isn’t about doing less. It might be about changing the things you do. Changing your behaviours and how you think.
But imagine the possibilities when you have that power.
If you want to talk about the possibilities for you then the next step is to have a call.
Frequently Asked Questions About Resilience in Women
What is resilience in women?
Resilience in women is the ability to recover and keep moving forward when facing challenges, stress or adversity. Rather than simply "bouncing back", resilience involves adapting.
Why is resilience important for women?
Resilience is important because women often face unique challenges not otherwise experienced by men. This can include caregiving responsibilities, pregnancy, motherhood, hormonal changes and perimenopause. Building resilience can help women manage those stresses, prevent burnout and build capacity to do whatever they dream of.
Can resilience be learned?
Yes. While research suggests genetics can influence resilience to some degree, resilience is not fixed. It’s flexible/ Life experiences, support systems, coping strategies, mindset and personal development all play an important role in strengthening resilience over a period of time. It’s a unique journey for each individual.
What factors affect resilience?
Many factors can influence resilience, including:
Sleep – the lack of and quality
Your physical health
Nutrition
Exercise and movement
Stress levels
Social and community support
Unique life experiences
The ability to regulate your emotions
Hormonal changes at different times of life
These factors work together to affect how well we cope with challenges and how well we recover from setbacks.
Do women experience stress differently from men?
Research consistently shows that women report higher levels of stress, anxiety and psychological distress than men. This may be influenced by a combination of biological factors, social expectations, caregiving responsibilities and stress that’s ongoing rather than fleeting.
How do hormones affect resilience?
Hormones such as oestrogen and progesterone influence the body's stress response. Fluctuations throughout the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, postpartum periods and perimenopause can affect mood, emotional regulation, energy levels and the ability to cope with stress.
How can women build resilience at work?
Building resilience at work involves more than simply working harder. It might include:
Understanding your own patterns of stress
Learning nervous system regulation techniques
Setting healthy boundaries
Prioritising your sleep and recovery
Managing a more realistic workload
Building emotional intelligence and awareness
Seeking our support and community when needed
None of this will hold up however unless you consider your situation holistically. Which is why I crated the ARCH™ Framework.
Can coaching help build resilience?
Yes. Many women find that working with a coach helps them develop sustainable resilience rather than relying on willpower alone. It’s rare to be able to see what’s going on in the inside when you’re fully immersed in it.
Does resilience mean staying positive?
No. Resilience does not mean being positive, happy or successful all the time. Or bouncing from sad to happy. It means being able to acknowledge difficult emotions, adapt to challenges and continue moving forward, even during periods of struggle.
